By Susan Thea Posnock
The transformation is complete. After years of following the Academy Awards on a recreational basis, the Oscars have officially consumed me. I even know the exact moment it happened: Standing in front of the partygoers at Nathaniel of The Film Experience's annual Oscar bash as Effie from Dreamgirls, just moments before Jennifer Hudson would go on to win her Oscar for the role.
I had been terrified beforehand, consuming a couple of vodka drinks during the buildup. But even as the fear remained, there was also the adrenaline rush. Of course I was awful, but about halfway through I realized it didn't matter. By the time Nat cut us off (the real show was starting again), I felt my "inner Diva" bubbling to the surface. And I'm telling you, I'm not going.
So now what? Do I join some sort of 12-step program? Is there such a thing for OscarWatchers? "Hi, my name is Susan and I'm addicted to the Oscars."
I thought it was a temporary condition and I could control my impulses, but then I took a walk through Washington Square Park earlier today. Upon noticing NYU film students shooting a scene I wondered of their production: Is it a lock?
The good news: I have plenty of company in this little obsession of mine. If you're reading this article there's a good chance you're one of us, but just in case you're unsure, I've devised this handy little quiz:
1) I think about the Academy Awards:
a. Never (If you checked this you're a liar, since you're at this site)
b. Once a year
c. Once a month
d. Weekly
e. Daily
f. "What was that? I was busy thinking about the Oscars"
2) I've daydreamed about what I'd wear to the Oscars:
a. Never
b. Once a year
c. Once a month
d. Weekly
e. Daily
f. I have the outfit hanging in my closet, just in case
3) I begin prognosticating on who will win an Oscar:
a. While watching the Academy Awards (If I even bother)
b. About a month before the Oscars
c. At the beginning of Oscar season
d. When I see a film I like
e. When I see a trailer I like
f. The moment I hear a rumor that so-and-so is going to make a movie with you-know-who
4) I release my Academy Awards-based aggression by:
a. What aggression?
b. Working out at the gym
c. Talking with people at work about the Oscars
d. Chatting with people online about the Oscars
e. Writing about the Oscars
f. Running an in-depth Oscars web site or blog
5) When Martin Scorsese won the Best Director Oscar for The Departed I:
a. Snored loudly and scratched myself
b. Glanced briefly at the television set in my beer haze
c. Cheered or jeered (politely), depending on my particular feelings
d. Jumped up in either joy or disgust
e. Cried
f. Exclaimed either "Woo hoo" or "Ahhhh," jumped up on a chair, pumped my fist in the air (or gave the television set the finger), then collapsed and wept uncontrollably
How to score:
If you selected "A" to any of these, you're probably someone I spammed to read my latest article.
If you selected "B" to any of these, you have a passing interest in the Academy Awards.
If you selected "C," "D," or "E," to any of these, you have a progressive (mild to intense) interest in the Oscars.
If you selected "F" to any of these, then you've probably started work on your Oscar 2008 chart.
Take a deep breath. Only a year until Oscar's 80th birthday party.
*This post originally appeared on OscarWatch.com
