The “big night” has come and gone. No, not that “big night,” the other “big night.” Last Saturday I presented the Poscars at an exclusive, invite-only soiree on Manhattan’s Upper West Side.
For the five of you sitting on the edge of your seats awaiting the results, I present the first ever “PoscarCast Semi-Live Blog.”
Saturday, Feb. 17, 2008, 5:45 PM: Let the cheap beer, one-pound Sumo Burgers and milkshakes flow as I wait for the nominees to stroll up the “Cold Concrete” and into Big Nick’s famed burger joint.
My carefully planned Poscar look is inspired by two finalists: a bath towel to honor clothing nominee “Viggo Mortensen’s Bath Towel” and an Anton “Chigurh-Chic” hairdo.
6:00 PM: Nobody has arrived yet, but I’ll give out a few awards and the first Honorary Poscar to kick off the festivities.
First up, Favorite Picture. The nominees are Atonement, Ratatouille, No Country for Old Men, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly and Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street.
And the Poscar goes to…
No Country for Old Men: It reflects our violent times, yet I don’t see it as a completely hopeless commentary. If that were the case, nobody would question the darkness. The world is cold and unyielding, but the real horror comes when we stop asking why.
The second category of the night is Favorite Performance by a Prop. The nominees are the McLovin ID from Superbad, Coins from No Country for Old Men, Home Pregnancy Tests from Juno/Knocked Up and Razor Blades from Sweeney Todd.
And the Poscar goes to…
The McLovin ID: The funniest thing in a very funny film, the ID also managed to cross over into pop culture to the point of silly government complaints. Reportedly, Wal-Mart removed copies of the special edition Superbad DVD from Hawaii stores after Honolulu’s mayor complained about the inclusion of the fake driver’s license.
I seriously doubt an underage Hawaiian would attempt to use the McLovin ID, but you never know—smart people make mistakes, like the finalists for Dumbest Behavior by a Character Who Should Know Better. The nominees are Josh Brolin in No Country for Old Men, when he decides to return to the standoff scene in the middle of the night, Emile Hirsch, when he goes into the wild in Into the Wild and everyone in Before the Devil Knows Your Dead.
And the Poscar goes to…
Josh Brolin: Definitely not a smart move, but I think his decision here—and later when he stays in the hotel room to await Chigurh—is related to the film’s fatalistic and dreamlike quality. It’s telling that Brolin wakes up at the beginning of both scenes. The problem is that once things are set in motion, he can’t awake from the nightmare.
The first Honorary Poscar of the night is The Christopher Walken Award for Outstanding Performance in an Otherwise Bad Movie. This year’s winner is Thomas Haden Church for his lackluster-film-defying portrayal of Sandman/Flint Marko in Spider-Man 3. He can’t save the movie, but he definitely makes it more bearable.
6:45 PM: The waitress is starting to give me attitude since I’m taking up the entire back section of this fine establishment. I offer up several categories—starting with Favorite Director—and the promise of a good tip to keep her from seating other customers. The nominees are Brad Bird for Ratatouille, Joel and Ethan Coen for No Country for Old Men, Julian Schnabel for The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, Tim Burton for Sweeney Todd and Joe Wright for Atonement.
And the Poscar goes to…
The Coen Brothers: Everything about the film is sublime and whether they did it themselves or shaped the work of others, each scene is a testament to their brilliance. I’m not sure I’d call it a peak, because they’ve been doing amazing, memorable work for years, but it’s definitely a showcase.
For Favorite Actress in a Supporting Role, the nominees are Saoirse Ronan in Atonement, Jennifer Jason Leigh in Margot at the Wedding, Jennifer Garner in Juno and Tabu in The Namesake.
And the Poscar goes to…
Saoirse Ronan: Innocent, bossy and dangerously adamant in her skewed vision, she can’t see beyond or comprehend her own mixed-up-pent-up desires. I admired all of these actresses, but was riveted by Ronan as young Briony.
For Favorite Actor in a Supporting Role, the nominees are Javier Bardem and Tommy Lee Jones, both in No Country for Old Men, Irfan Kahn in The Namesake, Michael Biehn in the “Planet Terror” half of Grindhouse and James Marsden in Enchanted.
And the Poscar goes to…
Tommy Lee Jones: A touchstone for an audience that feels as lost and resigned as his character. That’s a lot to ask of an actor and Jones delivers in every way.
7:23 PM: The first guest has arrived! It’s my boyfriend, wearing his “Cate Blanchett as Bob Dylan” ensemble and a fetching Dylanesque sneer. He’s just in time for Favorite Performance by an Animated Character. The nominees are Peter O’Toole in Ratatouille and Danielle Darrieux in Persepolis.
And the Poscar goes to…
Peter O’Toole: His vocal performance as food critic Anton Ego is complimented with wonderful character touches, like the portrait of Ego looking blasé and the name of the publication he writes for: The Grim Eater.
The second Honorary Poscar of the night is The Queen Elizabeth Award for Outstanding Achievement in Mimicking a Real Person. This year’s winner is Cate Blanchett, who took on Queen Elizabeth I and Bob Dylan. And of course she earned her first Oscar as Katharine Hepburn in The Aviator.
7:45 PM: Still waiting for the nominees to show up, but my curly fries are getting cold, so I better move on to the acting awards. For Favorite Actor the nominees are Daniel Day-Lewis in There Will Be Blood, Viggo Mortensen in Eastern Promises, Johnny Depp in Sweeney Todd, Mathieu Amalric in The Diving Bell and the Butterfly and James McAvoy in Atonement.
And the Poscar goes to…
Viggo Mortensen: I’m an admitted Viggomanic, but this was the toughest category for me to choose. Mortensen gives an incredibly layered and enigmatic performance. He nails the Russian accent and we see him raw, bloodied, beaten and in the buff… Hmmmmmm. Sorry, momentary lapse into “Nude Viggo” fantasy land… Anyway, his finest moments are in his face. No, really. The humor that underlies each expression, his observations of others: it’s all there. He creates a real and compelling character out of what another actor may have turned into caricature.
7:55 PM: Alone again, as the boyfriend was miffed at my glazed over Viggo-induced trance. Time for Favorite Actress. The nominees are Laura Linney in The Savages, Ellen Page in Juno, Marion Cotillard in La Vie en Rose, Angelina Jolie in A Mighty Heart and Amy Adams in Enchanted.
And the Poscar goes to…
Amy Adams: Commenter Silencio helped clarify my feelings about the performance, writing, “I love how she darkens while retreating from [Patrick Dempsey’s] chest…she bumps into the arm of the chair as she sits down. No more floating and fluttering. She isn’t a fairy tale princess anymore…she’s a woman.” I couldn’t agree more. It isn’t just that Adams is able to earnestly create a “Disney Cartoon.” Like Giselle, she comes to life.
1:50 AM: As you can see from the timestamp I’ve run into a slight snag. Turns out a few of Big Nick’s other patrons claimed my very classy towel look constituted “indecent exposure.” I’ve spent the last several hours “being processed” and have finally convinced a friendly officer to return my laptop so I can share the last two awards of the night.
The nominees for Favorite Performance by an Article of Clothing are the Chef’s Hat in Ratatouille, the Spartan Uniform in 300 and Viggo Mortensen’s bath towel in Eastern Promises.
And the Poscar goes to…
The Chef’s Hat: According to Brad Bird, the hat’s most important feature—that Remy can see through it, but that nobody can see him under it—came about during the filmmaking process. Originally he was supposed to peak out, which never would have worked. A film about a rat chef still stretches credulity well beyond its limits, but within the universe of Ratatouille, the hat does the trick.
Finally, the last award of the night: The Anthony Michael Hall Geek of the Year. While there were plenty of geeky performances to choose from, the real life video game enthusiasts in Donkey Kong documentary The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters, impressively proved that even the best actors can’t fake true, epic geekiness.
And with that we’ve reached the “Kill Screen” for this year’s Second Annual Poscars. Here’s to all of this year’s great films and performances. And here’s hoping that at least one of my nominees will show up and bail me out.
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